From my observation of people, we all have one.  I call mine, "Pandora's Box".  Original, I know, I know. You are really impressed.  But seriously, it is that box within us that hides what we don't want others to see.  We crack it open, maybe, with those we deeply trust.  All the while, hoping, praying, holding our breath as to their reaction.  Will they laugh, scoff, downplay, overshadow, or slam the lid back shut with the clear message never to open it their presence again?  Or will they listen, show compassion, empathize, simply listen?  If we open the box, will they even know what to do with us now?

I wonder this morning what is hiding in your box, who do you trust and who trusts you?  Our boxes are full of things like jealousy, pride, hurt, anger, fear and sadness.  Who can help you look into your box and who can you help open their box?  Trust and be trustworthy.  We need each other. 

There is a difference between holding a position of leadership and actually leading because you have the position to do so.  This is the end of my 27th year of teaching and being in a district that has a rather revolving door of both building and central office leadership, I have noticed a thing or two.

The difference between leaders and status quo keepers has huge implications for an organization.  I have worked under both.  Leaders have a vision and they push forward, keeping the leadership under them well informed and well trained.  They know their why and they work to figure out the how.  As Jim Collin's famous quote says, "Having the right people on the bus."  

But what happens when the right people are on the bus but the driver doesn't really have a plan for where they are going?  Frustration, anger, resentment, division begins to set in.  They thought they were part of a team or at the very least felt they were once a part of a team, but then...something happens.  The driver changes, loses focus, gets complacent or distracted, or the facade finally fades.  Good under leaders still have the enthusiasm to carry forth the work they had committed to, but slowly isolation sets in. While some may decide to get off at the next bus stop, others simply hunker down for the ride, hoping Siri begins to call out directions.  

Leadership is not easy.  It is complicated and risky.  But without a vision, it is pointless.  Everyone will end up somewhere, but they have no idea when they have arrived, if they are off course, close to the finish line, nothing.  Leaders must know their why and as a team work out the how.  

TED Talks--love them!  Was listening to ​Linda Cliatt-Wayman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe2nlti47kA) and her slogan of "So What...Now What..." has stuck with me.  

So what, now what.  Hummm.  How many times do I make excuses, really ligament excuses, as to why this or that can't be changed, helped, turned around, etc.?  Rhetorical question, but if someone were secretly counting I am sure to be well into the tens of thousands.  Everything from little daily decisions, like my scale says I am a bit too chunky these days but...I am now over 50....I will eat better tomorrow...I look just like my mom...I am sure it is the medicine.... To much more influential decisions like as to why not all children in my classroom were prepared for the next step...cause there are just too many to help... I am doing the best that I can... if they would just come knowing....  Embarrassed, but fully admit that I have said all of these things...and more.

So what...they are coming to me with these needs...Now what am I going to do about it?  Thankfully education is moving from I to we.  I can not meet the needs of 20+ children effectively, but as a team we can.  Together we can fill learning gaps, together we can meet social/emotional needs, together we can be there for each other.  So what...now what.  Together, we can and will.

Our oldest daughter is beginning to discover that there is a whole world outside of her world.  Her 20 years of life have taken her many places, some of which she is now studying with a new found curiosity .  

Waco is her latest investigation.  I had to smile as she is doing her best to look at the event from different view points. She is beginning to more fully grasp that leadership decisions can have serious consequences.  But what caught my attention the most was her statement as she talked to her older friend.  He was just a boy at the time and as she said, "I wasn't even a thought yet."

I remember Waco from my dining room floor as I finished college work and applied for jobs.  But as I think of today, Covid 19, hopefully, will be something my grandchildren only have to ask me about.  "Grandma, do you remember when...."  I can't help but wonder how decisions being made today, from world leaders to community officials to individual households will and already are affecting those that aren't even a thought yet.      

I need to apologize to many of my students.  I taught them to memorize their multiplications facts, which is not a bad thing.  We sang songs, we chanted them, we took 5 min. timings over them, we even celebrated with a banana split! What I did fail to do was to teach them the whys behind what they were memorizing.  I failed to help them discover the patterns the numbers make.  I failed to help them take a quantity of items and break them into equal groups or how to use equal groups to quickly find the quantity.   Yes, yes, and super yes, I taught them the process.  We made sure each column was perfectly aligned, where to put the number to be carried, how to write the answer and how to skip two lines between each problem.  When we divided, it was the same process.  All lines nice and neat, each number in it's place and a place for each number.  I taught the process well...but I failed to teach them the why, I failed to help them discover how numbers work.  Part of me hates to put this out in public, but oh well, here it goes.  Part of the reason I failed to teach them is because I didn't have a grasp of what was happening either!  I knew the process, retaught the process, but not  the whys.  I didn't understand, I didn't know the importance of the why and so I didn't help students discover them in my classroom.

Yes, they all survived, just like I did.  Most grew up and found gainful employment even without me teaching them the why.  But, now that I know better, I can and will do better. Ensuring that each student at Hawthorne Elementary has a number sense foundation to build on is my new passion.   

In 40 minutes I am to meet with a superintendent to talk about instructional coaching.  While no expert and certainly not ready to write the "how to" book, I do have something to offer, perspective.

What is it like to be a superintendent, an ER doctor, a factory worker, a firefighter, a city employee, confined to a wheel chair, unemployed, in a nursing home, deathly sick, being chased by terrorist?  I don't know.  There are millions upon millions of perspectives I don't know.  That is because the only perspective I have is mine. The experiences that shaped me may be similar to a thousand others, but it is still not the same experience.  My reaction to an event may have been mild and forgotten but to someone else, life altering.  

So, as we visit today, may we each take the stance of perspective and simply listen.  Listen to the stories that have shaped us.  Listen to the lessons that we have gleaned, to the highs and lows of life, to the mistakes and the got it rights.  Ask questions, dig a little deeper, be curious.   Simply listen to life from their perspective.  It doesn't mean that I have to agree, but simply that I listened and tried to understand life from their perspective.

The article stated that during this time of "stay at home," Walt most likely would have been very pleased.  It went on to say that the Orlando Disney was his dream of future communities.  After his passing, his dream was set aside and big hotels and theme parks to make money took over.  I don't know the truth to this article, but I hope the part about Walt is.  

I was visiting with a fellow teacher this morning about how there seems to be a bit more "right" about the world at this moment in time.  Families are together, places and events don't seem quite as important, the rushing has slowed.  I don't mean to paint this as a time of rainbows and puppies, but I do hope when this is all over, we, as a society, keep some of the lessons on what is most important, each other.  

As is the morning routine, I let out our two dogs,  a German Shepherd and Lapoo (think really cute dust mop). They have their normal potty spots and usually run right to them, but not today.  Cara's nose hit the ground, her entire back fur went up and she instantly traced the scent to a spot in the yard.  Sam was right on her heels, fast as his little legs could take him.  But then our cat, Mittens, AKA Black Widow, was also acting strange.  She was not acting like it was her own fresh kill in the yard, something had her riled, too.  Needless to say, my sense of smell didn't pick up a single thing, for which I am thankful!  Ugggg...

But what struck me was their innate ability to pick up a scent of something, Cara obviously interpreted it as danger and fearlessly track it down.   Sam instantly followed.  Mittens...being a cat...took the leery approach, eyes wide, looking, yet searching for cover.  Is not that us also?  While we may not physically smell danger, we sense it.  As individuals, as friends, as parents, as caretakers.  There is something within us that deeply desires for all the world to be "right."  When our sense of danger is triggered, we instantly go into protective mode. 

I wonder today, what is is setting off your "sense of smell?"  What are you tracking down to make right?  What are you protecting your loved ones from?  What are you highly sensitive to?  We long for the world to be made right again.  What wrong are you fearlessly fighting against? 

Being intentional, or as one of our administrators is often heard saying, "Walk with a purpose."  My mind goes in two directions this morning.  Intentional as an educational instructor but also intentional in life.

​In one of my first days as a coach, someone asked me if she should put these items up on the wall,  she had found them at WalMart and they were so cute.  My instant answer was, "What is your purpose?"  Being intentional with each lesson, each test, each activity, each moment.  Each child is only given 170ish days to master content at each grade level.  There are no do overs, no retaking, no trying again.  Yes, there is reteaching and review, there is occasionally grade retention, but in most cases, a child never gets to "redo" any grade.  Teachers must know what the child knows, what they need to know, and where they are at in their understanding and application.  Be intentional.

Being intentional in life.  The old saying, "Failing to plan is planning to fail."  I agree with this is its general sense, but not in specifics as each day holds it's own surprises, twists, and turns. But it is over the long haul.  What do you want your life to have counted for?  Most likely you will be a distant memory not long after your death, as I think of my grandparents and great-grandparents, but the influence you leave will last for generations.   Be intentional.

Today, may you walk with a purpose.  As you reflect, who did you make feel special, who did you love well, who is a little better off because they crossed your path?  Be intentional. Walk with a purpose.

Before I hit the POST button tonight, I am going to sigh.  Not as relief, but as a step that scares me.  Being vulnerable leaves one open to attack. I am sharing what feels like a weakness, a defect, a flaw, a hidden embarrassment.  But feeling doesn't equate with truth.  It took a friend reminding me over and over to put truth over lies, logic over emotion.  I am not PTSD, I am affected by PTSD.  

In simple terms, the harmful actions of another towards me has left my fight, flight, freeze system out of wack.  But you would never know it.  I have lived with it for so long that I am an expert at covering it up.  

That is why I share today.  As I reflect on this time, hopefully for just a season, of COVID 19, I can't help but think of the number of people that are being impacted in various ways. Death, separation, isolation, loss, uncertainty, and fear to name a few.  The health care workers that are physically and emotionally exhausted.  Family that can't physically be with those that are dying because of the nature of the virus.  Loved ones that can't cognitively understand why they can't stick to their routines.  The stress of losing a job, of schooling children, of being an essential worker, or a private business that may not recover.  The list is endless.  

I share today as a reminder to be kind. Kind with your words, kind with your actions, kind in your responses to the hurts of others.  Every path is different.  We don't follow a trail in life, we forge a path, each and every one of us.  For most, the path will hold all the normal bumps and bruises and they will move on.  For a few though, life will leave them deeply wounded.  It is not their fault, they can't just try harder, stop thinking about it, or take a chill pill.  No, this bump in life will leave them different.  Yes, life will go on, but it won't go on the same.  Be kind because you don't know who it is and most likely they will never tell you.