From my observation of people, we all have one.  I call mine, "Pandora's Box".  Original, I know, I know. You are really impressed.  But seriously, it is that box within us that hides what we don't want others to see.  We crack it open, maybe, with those we deeply trust.  All the while, hoping, praying, holding our breath as to their reaction.  Will they laugh, scoff, downplay, overshadow, or slam the lid back shut with the clear message never to open it their presence again?  Or will they listen, show compassion, empathize, simply listen?  If we open the box, will they even know what to do with us now?

I wonder this morning what is hiding in your box, who do you trust and who trusts you?  Our boxes are full of things like jealousy, pride, hurt, anger, fear and sadness.  Who can help you look into your box and who can you help open their box?  Trust and be trustworthy.  We need each other. 

There is a difference between holding a position of leadership and actually leading because you have the position to do so.  This is the end of my 27th year of teaching and being in a district that has a rather revolving door of both building and central office leadership, I have noticed a thing or two.

The difference between leaders and status quo keepers has huge implications for an organization.  I have worked under both.  Leaders have a vision and they push forward, keeping the leadership under them well informed and well trained.  They know their why and they work to figure out the how.  As Jim Collin's famous quote says, "Having the right people on the bus."  

But what happens when the right people are on the bus but the driver doesn't really have a plan for where they are going?  Frustration, anger, resentment, division begins to set in.  They thought they were part of a team or at the very least felt they were once a part of a team, but then...something happens.  The driver changes, loses focus, gets complacent or distracted, or the facade finally fades.  Good under leaders still have the enthusiasm to carry forth the work they had committed to, but slowly isolation sets in. While some may decide to get off at the next bus stop, others simply hunker down for the ride, hoping Siri begins to call out directions.  

Leadership is not easy.  It is complicated and risky.  But without a vision, it is pointless.  Everyone will end up somewhere, but they have no idea when they have arrived, if they are off course, close to the finish line, nothing.  Leaders must know their why and as a team work out the how.  

TED Talks--love them!  Was listening to ​Linda Cliatt-Wayman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe2nlti47kA) and her slogan of "So What...Now What..." has stuck with me.  

So what, now what.  Hummm.  How many times do I make excuses, really ligament excuses, as to why this or that can't be changed, helped, turned around, etc.?  Rhetorical question, but if someone were secretly counting I am sure to be well into the tens of thousands.  Everything from little daily decisions, like my scale says I am a bit too chunky these days but...I am now over 50....I will eat better tomorrow...I look just like my mom...I am sure it is the medicine.... To much more influential decisions like as to why not all children in my classroom were prepared for the next step...cause there are just too many to help... I am doing the best that I can... if they would just come knowing....  Embarrassed, but fully admit that I have said all of these things...and more.

So what...they are coming to me with these needs...Now what am I going to do about it?  Thankfully education is moving from I to we.  I can not meet the needs of 20+ children effectively, but as a team we can.  Together we can fill learning gaps, together we can meet social/emotional needs, together we can be there for each other.  So what...now what.  Together, we can and will.

Before I hit the POST button tonight, I am going to sigh.  Not as relief, but as a step that scares me.  Being vulnerable leaves one open to attack. I am sharing what feels like a weakness, a defect, a flaw, a hidden embarrassment.  But feeling doesn't equate with truth.  It took a friend reminding me over and over to put truth over lies, logic over emotion.  I am not PTSD, I am affected by PTSD.  

In simple terms, the harmful actions of another towards me has left my fight, flight, freeze system out of wack.  But you would never know it.  I have lived with it for so long that I am an expert at covering it up.  

That is why I share today.  As I reflect on this time, hopefully for just a season, of COVID 19, I can't help but think of the number of people that are being impacted in various ways. Death, separation, isolation, loss, uncertainty, and fear to name a few.  The health care workers that are physically and emotionally exhausted.  Family that can't physically be with those that are dying because of the nature of the virus.  Loved ones that can't cognitively understand why they can't stick to their routines.  The stress of losing a job, of schooling children, of being an essential worker, or a private business that may not recover.  The list is endless.  

I share today as a reminder to be kind. Kind with your words, kind with your actions, kind in your responses to the hurts of others.  Every path is different.  We don't follow a trail in life, we forge a path, each and every one of us.  For most, the path will hold all the normal bumps and bruises and they will move on.  For a few though, life will leave them deeply wounded.  It is not their fault, they can't just try harder, stop thinking about it, or take a chill pill.  No, this bump in life will leave them different.  Yes, life will go on, but it won't go on the same.  Be kind because you don't know who it is and most likely they will never tell you.