Courage to be Generous

About two months back, I was bantering with one of my favorite thinking partners and he later sent me the following comment,  "Lisa, be generous with your scars."  When we visited next, I sat with my arms crossed and body tight at his mentioning this.  I was not angry, simply protective.  Protective of my scars.  Some are simple, like the everyday bumps and bruises, a look, a comment, a careless word.  Others are far deeper.  They have shaped who I have become and they are shrouded in a Secret World.  Those scars hold taboos that all know not to speak of, so mostly, I don't.  But my task of late has been to touch them, examine them, understand them.  They still cause my FFF system to over-react, but at least I know it is not a personal fault, but a result.  And, because of these scars, I can help others touch their's.

That is a lot like Instructional Coaching.  Teaching is personal.  It often is tied to our very identity.  If someone asks, "What are you?"  I proudly state, "I'm a teacher."  But as a teacher, I also struggle to hide the scars that have hurt.  I don't want others to think poorly of me, so I pretend.  Pretend to know more than I do, pretend that I understand exactly what they are talking about, pretend so as not to be viewed poorly.  What I have learned as an IC, is that just as with my personal scars,  I need to be generous with my teaching scars.  To admit that I didn't or don't know, that I am unsure, that I simply don't understand and part of me just really doesn't care to.  When I can be generous, it offers others the same.  They can peak around the corner of their hiding and open their hand.  I reassure them of two things.  #1--We can't do better until we know better and #2--It is not about what is wrong, it is about what is next.  

My you take time to examine some of your own scars, and then be generous with them.  We need each other and we need each other to be real.