Grumpy

Grumpy.  That is my current state of feeling.  I want to be left alone.  I want the house quiet.  I want all distractions gone.  Banished!  Forever!  All noise and unnecessary sounds!  I even went for a drive all by myself.  Forty miles of just me, the radio, and my grumpy self.  Even as I sit here to type, I am slumped at the shoulders, extra chunky in the midsection, and hair too tightly pulled back.  

What brings emotions each day?  Fluttering from one moment to the next?  I don't have a psychological or neurological answer, but I have little doubt, it is a complicated internal rush of  systems that I can't even pronounce, let alone understand or explain.

What I do get to choose though is my outward response.  Yes, my children can read me well.  "Mom's grumpy" and they give each other the silent signal to leave me alone.  As for my husband, we will be a celebrate 27 years on Friday.  Yep, he gets the hints and facial expressions too.  But for those outside of my close realm, I can fake it with my smile, with my cheery voice, with my feigned interest.  I may feel grumpy but I don't have to be grumpy.  I am not pushing fakeness, but I am saying that we need to be considerate of those that cross our paths.  My momentary feelings of grumpiness don't have to spewed everywhere, even on my children or my husband.